why you feel the way you do... and how to change it

how to control your emotions

Recorded live at TEDx

Three Key Points From How to Control Your Emotions

Events have no meaning of their own. Change the meaning to change the emotion.

Emotions can’t be changed or controlled using willpower.

Not all unpleasant emotions should be changed. The emotion might be protecting you.

How To Control Emotions

Why You Feel The Way You Do... And How To Change It

How to Control Emotions

Every behavior follows this sequence: Event > Meaning > Emotion > Behavior.

Some psychologists counsel to forget or change the event but this is unwise because the event might have an important learning that will protect you in the future. Sometimes we are told to just “control” and suppress our emotions and behaviors but this is ineffective also because it takes too much energy and many emotions are triggered automatically. Everyone has experienced this.

Because events have no meaning other than the one we assign to them (examples included), the most effective strategy to control emotions is to uncover other possible meanings for the event that is causing the emotion. Once other meanings are uncovered, the emotion dissipates and the unempowering behavior stops automatically and permanently.

Note that the meaning or the event doesn’t necessarily need to change- simply uncovering alternative possible meanings is sufficient.

Stop uncontrolled emotions that are causing pain for you and those around you.
Replace emotions that are not servicing you well with other, more empowering emotions.
Feel confident and secure that you are in control of how you feel and what you do.
Change long time behavior patterns that are controlling your life, destroying relationships, and holding you back.

Because effective communication is the foundational skill that underlies all other skills, our mission is to create frameworks and strategies that any person or team can use to communicate more effectively regardless of their background or current skill level.

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