why you feel the way you do... and how to change it
how to control your emotions
Recorded live at TEDx
Three Key Points From How to Control Your Emotions
Events have no meaning of their own. Change the meaning to change the emotion.
Emotions can’t be changed or controlled using willpower.
Not all unpleasant emotions should be changed. The emotion might be protecting you.
How To Control Emotions
Why You Feel The Way You Do... And How To Change It
Every behavior follows this sequence: Event > Meaning > Emotion > Behavior.
Some psychologists counsel to forget or change the event but this is unwise because the event might have an important learning that will protect you in the future. Sometimes we are told to just “control” and suppress our emotions and behaviors but this is ineffective also because it takes too much energy and many emotions are triggered automatically. Everyone has experienced this.
Because events have no meaning other than the one we assign to them
(examples included), the most effective strategy to control emotions is
to uncover other possible meanings for the event that is causing the
emotion. Once other meanings are uncovered, the emotion dissipates and
the unempowering behavior stops automatically and permanently.
Note that the meaning or the event doesn’t necessarily need to change- simply uncovering alternative possible meanings is sufficient.
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