(717) 288-5111 info@paulendress.com

How To Control Your Emotions

How To Get Cooperation Without Authority

What You Will Learn

Every behavior follows this sequence: Event > Meaning > Emotion > Behavior.

Some psychologists counsel to forget or change the event but this is unwise because the event might have an important learning that will protect you in the future. Sometimes we are told to just “control” and suppress our emotions and behaviors but this is ineffective also because it takes too much energy and many emotions are triggered automatically. Everyone has experienced this.

Because events have no meaning other than the one we assign to them (examples included), the most effective strategy to control emotions is to uncover other possible meanings for the event that is causing the emotion. Once other meanings are uncovered, the emotion dissipates and the unempowering behavior stops automatically and permanently. Note that the meaning or the event doesn’t necessarily need to change- simply uncovering alternative possible meanings is sufficient.


  • Where emotions come from. The sequence explored and explained.
  • Events have no meaning other than the one we assign to them. This is illustrated with four examples including two personal stories.
  • How to know if you should change an emotion.
  • How to uncover the meaning you have assigned to an event
  • How to use a simple five-word question to uncover other meanings for the event.

Three Takeaways From How To Control Your Emotions

Events have no meaning of their own.
Change the meaning to change the emotion.

Name Goes Here

Emotions can’t be changed or controlled using willpower.

Name Goes Here

Not all unpleasant emotions should be changed.
The emotion might be protecting you.

Name Goes Here

How Can Paul Help Your Organization?

Paul’s reputation as a subject matter expert, keynote speaker, and workshop leader is built on his ability to simplify complex subjects and deliver easy-to-use frameworks audiences can use to quickly solve problems and optimize communication patterns in organizations and teams of all sizes.

He is a thought-leader and researcher with the rare ability to both inspire audiences and leave them with actionable change strategies.